To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize