so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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