We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
