We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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