tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
