you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
