You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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