I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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