There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
