Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
