My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
