In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
