he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
