im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
