You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
