Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
