Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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