O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
