I want to walk on stilts...naked
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
