he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
