Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
