I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
