Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
