this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
