i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
