During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
