I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
