Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
