Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
