he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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