3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
