i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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