I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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