having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
