One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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