Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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