You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
