dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize