What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
