yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
