So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
