She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
