so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
