Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
