My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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