Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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