I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
