ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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