im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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