My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
