Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
