Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
