i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
