got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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