I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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