my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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