He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
