don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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