I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
40s are totally the cure
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
