is your mom at the bar?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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