Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
