garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
