Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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