last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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