I puked a lego.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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