I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
