dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
