two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He felt like a one man threesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
